Halloween Hamlet

What better way to spend a Halloween evening than with Hamlet and vampires?  The opportunity presented itself in the guise of the film, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Undead.  Like its relative, Zombie Hamlet, this was another one of those "Because I had a gift card" purchases.  (See 9/27/15 post.)  Unlike its relative, this film was an unfunny and muddled mess.

The film opens with the following disclaimer:  "Since the 1600's there have been numerous versions of Shakespeare's Hamlet adapted to portray vampires.  This is one of them."  I don't recall any other versions of Hamlet and vampires; maybe they don't get as much press as the non-vampirical ones.  The premise of the film involves Julian, a rather unlikable loser who lives in a room in the office of his father, a doctor.  Julian's father, attempting to give his son some ambition to change his lot, presents Julian with a newspaper want-ad:  "Off-Broadway production of Hamlet seeks young controllable human theatre director."  Julian comments that it sounds pretty stupid (viewer be warned), but he heads to the theatre anyway.

Julian meets theatre owner, playwright, and resident vampire, Theo Holmes.  The play for which Theo needs a director is his work, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Undead.  Upon seeing the title, Julian comments, "Gonna be interesting to see how Shakespeare and zombies go together."  When Theo corrects him that the play involves vampires, not zombies, Julian retorts, "Yeah, that makes way more sense."  (Another warning to the viewer.)

During rehearsals, we see Julian's treatment of the characters, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.  He ties them together, literally, to reinforce the idea that they are part of one character.  (Seen it before; 8/25/13 post.)  The actors are awful.  Consider this contribution from one of the pair:  "Since we're talking about the play, right, like, I was thinking we could do these modernizations, bro."  Instead of Rosencrantz and Guildensterns (with the extra s), he offers the following updates:

• Rosenbros and Guildendude

• Dudenkrantz and Dogenstern

• Rosenbros and Goldenho

What follows is an incomprehensible 55-minute trip through drama and the supernatural.  The local Rosicrucian and Goldenstone Society, which has a branch dealing with Hamlet and vampires, gets involved in the action.  Add to the mix numerous vampires, Ralph Macchio as a terribly-stereotyped Italian gangster (Why?) selling hand sanitizer in a gun-shaped container (really), and Jeremy Sisto parodying his role as a police detective on Law and Order.  By the time it's all over, even the Holy Grail and the real Prince Hamlet have appeared.

Whereas Zombie Hamlet proved that one could have fun with the Shakespearean work, this film disproved the point.  It tries too hard to be funny, and none of the humor works.  (In fact, the film put this blogger to sleep, multiple times.)  The DVD contains deleted scenes, which leads this one to wonder how bad a scene must be not to make this film.  If you decide to give this one a try, be warned.  It's not a very satisfying ride.